Learning to Live with Yourself Again: An Interview with Ras Alhague
This blog started out as a way for me to write about things that I found interesting. I had always hoped that people would read it, but I was content in knowing that I was doing something constructive with my time. Never did I think that the blog would get readers from 40 countries around the world.
Not only do people read the blog around the world, but I’ve also been able to connect with artists around the world too. I am incredibly fortunate to have connected with Polish artist, Ras Alhague. Their exploration of understanding oneself through art is as inspirational as it is unique.
I hope you enjoy this interview with Ras.
Who are you? Introduce yourself!
My name is Ras Alhague, I am a Polish artist and photographer currently based in Austin, Texas and potentially moving there in the next year. Even though I consider myself to be an artist first and foremost, I wouldn’t say that has always been the case.
I think I first started drawing at the age of 13 or 14 and didn’t treat it as anything other than a fun hobby and a form of escapism.
And even though that hobby turned into something more serious and granted me a place in an art school, I can’t say it was entirely my decision. Eventually, I figured out it wasn’t exactly my world and dropped out.
I am grateful for the knowledge I managed to gain through this experience but I think it did kill the pure joy that I used to associate with drawing and painting. I don’t engage in these activities much anymore as I find them rather challenging. Today, my primary medium is glitch art and photography, which I find a little bit ironic because I didn’t get to learn any of these skills at school. So despite my experience with formal education, I consider myself to be a self-taught artist, at least partially.
How do you structure your creative time?
Although I am fully aware of the undeniable advantages of structuring one’s creative time, it just never seems to work for me. I’m definitely jealous of people who have the ability to work on a schedule, but I’ve found that any restrictions or limits that I put on myself are likely to have a negative effect on my productivity. Of course, there are deadlines and limitations when it comes to working with clients but that’s a different thing for me. When I create an artwork that’s entirely mine and for myself, I just go with the flow. I’d rather let the inspiration come to me than force anything to happen.
Another thing is that I don’t feel the need to schedule my time, because I end up working on art a lot, even if I only share a small percentage of that with the rest of the world. Perhaps a little too much and too hard as I tend to stress over periods of art blocks quite a bit. But I think working on your attitude and yourself is part of the creative process, especially when your art is so deeply personal.
You tweeted, in a very thoughtful and powerful thread, “Though it may seem like the glitch destruction of my nudity is often in the center of my work, it's not my goal to destroy the body. While the process of deforming myself puts me in a contemplative state, the final result is more of a tribute than the destruction of the original.”
How has your work helped in your understanding your self/gender/identity? Has it helped others? Do you want to be a source of inspiration for others exploring their identities?
The relationship I have with my body is complicated, although I do believe in the last few years I have been able to find some balance and inner peace, partially thanks to my artistic development. I like to say that my work represents me regaining control over my body because for a very long time it felt like it didn’t even belong to me. Touching me without my consent was such a common occurrence it quickly became normalized in my head. Sexual harassment became a part of my everyday life and eventually, I experienced more severe forms of abuse, things that left me deeply traumatized. It’s wild how much these things can affect you. From the “obvious” symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, to more subtle things that become part of your routine, such as the way you sit, and the way you wash yourself.
It completely alters your perspective, the way you view your own body and it takes a long, long time to learn to live with yourself again. I’m still learning. I don’t think it’s one of those journeys that are destined to end any time soon. It’s a long process, but it doesn’t terrify me anymore. Instead, I try to look back and be proud of the progress I’ve made. It’s all thanks to me and my hard work and nobody can take that away from me. The way I see my body might be distorted but it’s only understandable.
I’ve never been a big fan of the idea that you have to love yourself. That seems absolutely unreal to me and I don’t feel the need to love myself. That doesn’t mean I can’t show compassion or understanding. I do believe I care for my body better than I ever have. I’ve learned to listen to it and to its needs. I’ve learned to use it for my art with the respect and dignity it deserves. I’m lucky to have the opportunity to turn this relationship into not only something healthy but fruitful.
I think it’s fair to say it helps deepen my understanding of myself. Photographing my body not only made me discover new ways of utilizing it for my artistic expression but also made me distance myself from it. I’m aware that I am rather feminine-looking and one could say some of my images rely on that aspect heavily. But I see my femininity as a separate thing, a minor feature, it’s not exactly the focus of my work, not anymore at least. I know people will continue to filter me through it and draw their own conclusions, I don’t really have much control over this process, unless I start presenting myself in a more androgynous way (which is definitely something I’d like to try at some point). But I’m not there yet and I create my art for me, not for others.
“It’s incredible to know that something that started as my personal, therapeutic journey serves a greater purpose.”
That being said, it does encourage me to hear how it affects others. I can’t even describe how grateful I am whenever I see a message from a follower of mine expressing how inspired they were by my work. It fills my heart with so much joy and gratitude when people tell me they started exploring their sexuality and experimenting with sexual and gender expression thanks to my art. It’s incredible to know that something that started as my personal, therapeutic journey serves a greater purpose.
As someone who makes erotic artwork, how do you handle comments and critiques of your work?
I’d say I handle the feedback I get on my work pretty well especially since most of it is positive anyway. People who approach me with negativity rarely have anything of value to say. I’m open to constructive criticism but it’s a rather uncommon thing. People definitely tend to get quite emotional and personal when they see somebody’s naked body online, which I find interesting as it makes me think of the twisted things that must be going on in their lives. If targeting complete strangers on the Internet is their only way to vent, then surely they must be experiencing a lot of misery.
That’s part of the reason why I can’t really take it seriously when people try to dismiss my work as “not art” or “just whoring out”. They try to insult me by calling me a sex worker but that’s not an insult, sex work is just a normal job to me. These people don’t know me, they don’t know my story, and they have no interest in learning about it. But I know myself, I’m aware of what I’ve achieved in the glitch art community and beyond, the shows and exhibitions I’ve participated in and organized. I take a lot of pride in that and I’m always open to conversations about art and its meaning. As long as others are open to that, too.
“People who approach me with negativity rarely have anything of value to say.”
When I first started doing erotic art, I had a few people approach me saying it wasn’t really their thing or what they expected of me but that they were happy to see me create again. I’m grateful for their honesty and it feels incredible to have people who, despite not enjoying my work, show appreciation for who I am and for my art. Overall, the positive feedback I mentioned above has been much more common.
Who are your influences?
I’ve always been amazed by Robert Mapplethorpe’s photography. When it comes to modern artists, I’d like to mention one of my most recent inspirations, Shelbie Dimond, an analog fine art photographer, who also does a lot of self-portraiture.
How would you describe the art scene in Poland to anyone unfamiliar with it? How do you find a safe space to create your work in a country with a repressive government?
I’m not sure if I’m the right person to answer this question. I am rather introverted and making (or should I say, maintaining) connections in the offline world has never been an easy task for me. When I was at the Academy, I was able to see how important and beneficial connections could be for young artists, but again, it wasn’t exactly my world and I didn’t want to be part of it.
I’ve always been very close to my online communities, glitch art groups in particular. The Internet introduced me to some of the most talented, dedicated, and exceptionally intelligent people I’ve ever met and I’m lucky that I get to call them my friends.
While we have our own groups and communities, for me the appeal of art on the Internet lies in its vastness and decentralization. It’s especially true for glitch art which is all about the sharing of knowledge, tools, and techniques with the world. People often say that glitch art isn’t real art because anyone can do it. To me, that’s the beauty of it. Art should be about accessibility and openness.
I’m not very close to the art scene in Poland, but I’m no longer hiding the fact that I’m Polish. I used to obscure this information for my own sense of security and privacy and I think it might be a little ironic that I’m sharing my location now that I’m planning to move to a different country. While my work doesn’t directly refer to the political situation in Poland, I am fully aware that some works I’ve created over the years, particularly the ones that criticize the Catholic Church, could potentially get me in legal trouble. But I’m not afraid to speak my mind and art is my form of communication. I have very strong opinions when it comes to institutionalized religions and their influence having a first-hand experience of what they’re like.
Also, the trauma I went through, and the environment I grew up in and spent my early adult life in, all happened in Poland. It’s an extremely sexist, homophobic, and transphobic country and even without going outside I am still affected by it, I see so much of it online. I try not to engage but the sheer amount of it all is simply depressing.
How do you promote your work?
As much as I hate to admit it, social media has been my main form of communication with my audience and clients. Most people interested in commissions or files for printing reach out to me through Instagram and Facebook.
For adult content creators, erotic artists, and sex workers, social media can be an extremely difficult place to grow an audience, even though it’s a necessity sometimes, especially in the times of a global pandemic. Even when we take the necessary precautions and censor our own pictures, nobody can guarantee that our profiles will always be there. So many people just wake up one day to discover their accounts have been completely wiped out with no warning whatsoever.
Platforms such as Facebook and Instagram often say that they don’t allow sexual(ized) content to protect their more vulnerable users. But at the same time, they allow big brands and companies to promote their sexualized content and services. If Instagram didn’t have any issue recovering Pornhub’s profile, they owe it to every independent sex worker whose account they’ve deleted.
But the biggest hypocrisy to me is the constant sexualization of minors that is happening on all social media platforms. These websites thrive on it and I honestly don’t believe it can be stopped unless some drastic legal actions are taken.
I like the experience Patreon has provided me with. It’s a great opportunity to connect with my supporters and show my appreciation by giving them exclusive content (and there is quite a lot of it, too!). Overall, I’m just grateful and amazed that people want to support me like that.
What’s next for you?
My next year is mostly going to be focused on moving to a different country. There is a lot that needs to be done and taken care of before it happens, but it’s surely an exciting opportunity. One of the things that shocked me about the US was how openly queer so many people here are in their expression. I love that. That’s not to say the US isn’t problematic at all, but the difference between this place and Poland is quite obvious. I feel so much more comfortable being myself when I’m here. I am definitely curious to see how the new environment influences my work and if I’m able to create any new connections upon moving to Austin.
Where can people find you?
People can reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter, but I also have my own website https://rasalhague.art/ as well.
Social media sites have the power to erase anyone they want, at any time, so please remember that adding your favorite artists’ websites to your bookmarks is also a great way to support them!
